I believe we all have internal selves. These are the selves that some people call “the still small voice” or “our true self” etc. It is the spirit within us. The part of us that is beyond nationality and history and gender and religion and politics. It is the sense in ourselves that knows what is “true” for us and what is not. “True” to me meaning, not an absolute truth, or transpersonal truth, but we know whether drinking coffee truly makes us feel good, or etc.
Freiman Beiar is an avatar, a self I met running down Lake avenue in Pasadena. He is the self that can accomplish the visions of sculptures that I see, that speaks his truth, that is willing to jump in the ocean. This is an ongoing list of my discoveries of who Freiman Beiar is, his likes and dislkes, or rather, as it is not a case of judgment, like or dislike, but rather, what serves and what does not serve. As the Saturn Return is a search for the true self, this is a list of what I discover about my true self– what feels true, what is natural, versus what is patterned, ingrained, subconscious, weak, addictive, restrictive, yada yada ya hoo hey.
Beiar does not feel good with coffee. I just bought a cup of Coffee at the starbucks where I was sitting to set up this blog. Now, since it is past 4:47 pm on Aug. 14th, and I have entered into being my true self, now that I have made a studio for my true self in ventura, I do not bend to fulfill old patterns and conditioning. No Coffee.
Beiar does not feel good eating beef, unless he is sitting at the table with the person who bred or killed it. Which is a real bummer, because InNOut is totally good and tasty and I crave it whenever I smell the grease and onions wafting over the freeway. No factory produced red meat.
Beiar really doesn’t feel good eating any animal protein besides fish and eggs. Darn, I guess it’s just sushi and omelettes. But really, what happens if we adhere to what we know is true about our bodies? What happens if we treat our body like a temple, something sacred? Does consciousness and our choices change when we honor the still small voice? The part inside that feels guilty when I eat the meat, when I know the suffering of the animals? Is it possible to honor the vulnerable and sensitive inside of myself?
Beiar doesnt cross his legs. Wierd, but I don’t feel good when I do it. And when I don’t, I tend to sit down more straight, and my spine feels better, aligned. Maybe there’s something to listening and responding to ourselves.
Saturn Returns in the Year of the White Tiger 